i have had a lot on my mind. as well as trying to keep steady at my job. fortunately i blog in private with false identities so no one will "dooce" me. (google, your friend)
as my mother says - i have to be constantly on the move with my brain. apparently i got into trouble in grade school. i would have glowing reports the first half of the year and the second half would be straight down hill from there. why? i already "got" you and your stuff. let's move on sister! and when we didn't move on i had to keep busy someway and that was usually chatting up my mates. i cannot tell you how many times i had the teacher/principal's paddle on my back side.
i don't know if my peeps know this. my dad, in his true to style dad of that era, scared me into ever telling my parents i got into trouble at school. "You get it at school you're gonna get it when you get home!!" Pfft. that didn't keep me from landing in parochial jail. it just kept me from saying anything to the parental units.
oh! one time the teacher totally missed, or i jumped, who knows, and hit me straight across my lower back, completely missing the cushioned bottom. i had a black and blue bruise across my back forever. the mother asked me what happened. fearing the wrath of my dad i lied and said i fell on the monkey bars.
hi mom! hi dad!
bringing this back to point, i'm here. i'm finally maxed out and become the knower of all at my job. the only person who knows more is the boss who gets an A A+ in being OCD. i'm only A in OCD. but, to hit this one home - I NEED SOMETHING NEW. and, there's this small th
~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***~~~******
that is where i left off yesterday.
i have no idea about what i was trying to say about the one small thing. maybe it was..oh. i don't know. yesterday ended badly. things flew apart around here and i cried three times.
apparently there is a good cry and a bad cry. a good cry is therapeutic, cleansing and you feel better after the cry. those were not the kind i had. mercy.
stepping back for a moment. i have been reading this book:
Do Over - Rescue Monday, Reinvent Your Work and Never Get Stuck
"if you want a better job, right this second, that's possible. All you have to do is choose your attitude and adjust your expectations."
counselor and i talk over expectations all the time. working with the raw materials of who someone is and what do they really work with and therefore adjusting my expectation that my car will never be a mustang not matter how hard i pray, wish, ask, desire....in accepting my car as she is then i don't get disappointed every time i drive her.
odd bit to compare, i know. however, this is what i was reading at lunch yesterday. i immediately knew i could change my attitude. by choice. put that internal smile on my face and fake happy until crabby pants packed her bags and left. that went fine.
what did not go well was when i thought, "hmm.. i don't think i have any false expectations of my job." that thought opened pandora's box and every expectation (unrealistic expectations) of my job was trotted out in front of me like a prize winning hog.
just seeing them helped. this ____ is never going to happen. that _______________ is never going to happen. no matter how much i want it to. no matter how much i think it SHOULD happen and any decent ____________ would make it happen. (guess i am a little 'fraid of dooce.)
i'm going to move on. to what i do not know. expand my education? more likely as my head is bumping on the requirement of a 4 year degree. learn how to make jewelry? fairly likely. remember where my approval, validation, financial support really comes from? absolutely. it's already tattooed on my heart. i just need my brain to remember it every once in awhile.
i have to sign off now or there will be another ~+~+~+~+~+ and another day or so will have passed.
Look at
the birds in the sky. They don't plant or harvest or gather food into barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are more valuable than they are,
aren't you?
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