good grieving

as americans we suck at grieving.

we live on a sea of loss. it cycles through our hearts and lives. every choice has the opposite of loss. many of our losses are tangible. death, divorce, friendships. many are not. loss of dreams, ideals, fairy tales. because our ancestors never taught us how to grieve we do not know how to personally grieve or comfort those who do grieve.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.

in the old testament the tribes of israelites mourned the death of their leader, moses, for forty days. forty days. can you imagine at the death of a loved one you mourned for forty days? life stops. working stops. everyone gets fed. there are stories - sad, sweet, maybe not so sweet - music, blankets, hugs, kleenex...just grieving and celebrating the loss of your loved one.

i think if we did that as a culture, a family, then it would be easier to move on but what we do is cry for the "appropriate" amount of time and then put it all back in the box of our heart. people try to soothe us with "they are in a better place" "they are out of pain" "you wouldn't want them back here in this awful world".."God needed them"... because they are at a loss and don't know how to grieve, either.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.

I've learned to grieve my losses. not always well. not always completely. but i'm better than i was before. for years no tears were allowed. none. nada. now i cry. i have a favorite blanket and stuffed animal that i cling to. sometimes i even pick up the phone and call a friend to sit with me. to be heard. to cry with me.

yesterday my mom moved away from her home and moved closer to our family. she would tell you, as she has told me, that this was 'right'. it was good. many great things for my mom. but in choosing to move she lost things as well. every choice has loss. her friends, her tribe, her knowing her doctors, grocery stores, thrift stores...loss.

of course she'll find new ones. but that's not the point.

my message to her was and is "grieve well. celebrate well."

dance on people