new normal

i'm still tired.

i KNOW!, right?

tomorrow is the young one's birthday. i was on my way to being a mother for the first time at her age.   you know what? that was hard. just saying.

she and i also discussed the point that the "new normal" doesn't set in until around year two. ex walking out is more than two years passed; however, neither she nor i knew that it was really over until about february of 2011. so we have a few more months to go.

in other great news i updated my will this week. seeing as how it listed the ex as the beneficiary. and you know what? it hurt.

it's hard to remember from where i came. when he first left i could not get out of bed. and i would soooobbbb....and i didn't think i could live through one more minute.

now the pain does come - with these small reminders -- and the pain is just as intense - but it lasts for minutes now. for a moment i forget that i can swim and all i can think is "i'm drowning i'm drowning i'm drowning...."

all the articles/books/blogs/advice i've read about divorce say that it gets better. and is has. but not completely.

oh, hey. the holidays are coming up.

yeah.

dance on people.