yesterday i figured out my "issue". and that would be yesterday's issue...not ppfftt...any of the other issues.
anyway.
yesterday many people were off celebrating veteran's day. i was in ignorant bliss until the receptionist reminded me that there would be no mail due to the holiday. "what holiday?" "veteran's day"..."veteran's day was yesterday."
and, yes, we worked. because our holidays mimic the new york stock exchange. not the federal gov'ment. did you know that the nyse takes a day off for easter?
anyway. i continued to avoid the whole veteran's day thing until the evening when it was all over the tv. dancing with the stars...military tribute...etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
here's the dealio if you didn't know. i was a military wife for 21 years. when richard first joined the military spouses and children were viewed as being owned by the military member and had no rights or voice without the presence of the military member. in fact, at our first duty station in germany it was still acceptable for the military member to walk into the commander's office and say 'hey, the wife is being a douche. i need her on the next plane out of here.' and seriously, i kid you not, without counseling or speaking to the spouse her stuff would be packed and should would be sent back home.
now that was a long time ago and by the time the military career was over i was recognized as an essential part of my ex's career. i even have a special framed document signed by the commander thanking me for my "service".
i'm getting rambley. at least in my mind.
richard never appreciated the sacrifice we made for his career. it was expected. when i went to the broncos game..wait. i saw this on tv... at most football games they honor the military. you just don't see it. anyway, they showed this one on the news or something because it was sweet. and it was sweet. a family got free tickets to the game and they broadcasted a special message from the military member over the big football screen. little did the family know that he was actually there - he had returned early from his duty and was surprising them. but his video went on and on about how grateful he was to his wife and kids because they continued to pull up stakes, move away and start all over again - put up with the tdys and everything else that goes on with the military life. and then he ran onto the football field. there were tears everywhere.
even i had tears. but not because of what he said but because of how richard treated us. at his retirement his speech consisted more of his coworkers than his family.
even though richard and i both had careers before he joined the military and knew what it was like to "work in the real world" as they say -- the military still changed him. the hardest part was he couldn't adjust back. now he works the same job he did and dates/marries an officer in the military. it's what he knows.
and in there lays..lies...my pain. i love my country. i love that people defend me willingly. but i haven't met one person that the military hasn't changed. in some way. and when they are done with you? they spit you out the other side.
jaded and conflicted. i have a love/hate relationship with the military.
dance on people.
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