Lucy

as ricky ricardo would say - 'esplain.

first and foremost i'm so irked over the red cup issue. please,...nope i can't say another word.

it snowed. i'm either getting cranky, older, or just deeply needing warm sand and beach waves. so so over snow. never thought i'd hear myself say that.

now that i have those topics out of the way -

they should sell tickets to emotional roller coasters. that way, at least, i would make some money.

brooke's 25th birthday was yesterday. steve and his wife flew in friday eve. richard flew in sometime over the weekend.

we did some casual hang out time, ate a few meals together. sunday we went to the old spaghetti factory for brooke's birthday dinner. horrible. never going back, horrible. then brooke and i went to see The Lion King - The Musical. i bought her the tickets ages ago. she really enjoyed it. i thought it was good but don't need to see it again. piece of advice - if you go, get tickets in the front orchestra because the cast actually walks through the crowd in that area. the one thing that amazed me was the morphing of animal/human. very convincing.

anyway. i drove her home and dropped into bed. there was compliance training at work monday night, and again tuesday morning.

monday brooke, steve, wife - had dinner with richard.

here's where i need to 'splain because i would really appreciate it if you would consider understanding, giving some grace and love, and please don't tell me to get over it.

i loved richard. the divorce was hard and ugly. personally i have seen him two times in the 4 years that have passed. the first year he disappeared he did not contact our kids. he has only talked/seen steve a total of three times, maybe? besides me the person who has hurt the most is brooke. so hopeful and continually let down. she needs her dad.

there is a reason the saying "mama bear" is true. when someone hurts your flesh and blood you can almost hyper-ventilate and see red. i think the biggest reason we don't go on a war path is because our society has matured. or, not. this is an example of 'crimes of passion'. and, if you don't have children, or are not a mom, you probably don't understand. and that's okay. but i am telling you the truth. ask a mom.

my roommate was divorced approximately the same time i was. they share one child who is not 18. the first year of sharing custody, holidays, etc -- it was pretty intense. they still fought and fumed. about a year and a half things changed. they can talk now. they can plan now, together. they have passed their anger and moved into a quieter stage.

it took them a year and a half. of consistently seeing each other. having to talk. work things out. deal.

richard, because our children are over 18 - will not talk to me. about anything. again. in 5 years, seen twice, emailed once. for me, in that part, it's fresh. and, seriously? it hurts like hell.

i'll be better in a few days. rest. taking care of myself. these are the tools i have honed.