get up. work. go home. rinse, repeat.
it's only in the slowing down and the reflecting that i see.
i said to my girlfriend last night...i'm trying not to hate my life. (drama!). my other life was awful but i KNEW it. it was familiar.
being broken open is a gift.
like - children are a blessing. children are not a blessing in the way you would think. children make you grow up. make you face your own selfishness. children are the vehicle to healing your own childhood. and, that, that is the blessing.
no one volunteers to be broken open. in fact, as i watch around me, most people fight tooth and nail against being broken open. i did. trust me. i did everything except sell my soul to the devil to fight being broken open. even now that i have experienced the greatness in being broken open i brace myself and claw at the walls to slow the decent.
being broken open lets me see different. i judge people a lot less. i "get it" more often. my desire to change people has decreased. i trust more.
i probably will never ask to be broken open. i can embrace the idea of it - and eventually stop trying not to fall because i know in the end...it is a gift.
dance on people.
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