Today someone publicly devalued my mental illness . By public I mean the Internet. A blog. It is one of the last blogs that still has a very wide audience. The thing about this blog is the community that posts comments and then it takes a life of its own. Us long timers know each other well enough that when we visit a distant city we see if any of the people live in that town.
There are four of us here in this town. So, publicly? Yes.
They say depression is anger turned inwards. I didn't accept this version for years. Decades. The one day the light bulb went off and I realized I WAS angry. Not in the way I though angry equals depression, but angry.
And what's fun about that is no one wants to hear your angry. So, I put it away and the cycle begins again.
Today someone asked the blog populace if they should be on meds. They were sad. But was their sad, normal sad? Or more than sad? I mean, who hasn't gone to bed at 6pm with their work clothes on? Well, I have. But I also have depression.
The suggestion I gave was to take a standard test that is even available online. Maybe after that, depending on your score, see a doctor. Maybe it's situational. Which is one type of depression. But. There was boo. And haha. There's no way you could be depressed. This was normal, and, hey! Once you've gone to bed for six months in your work clothes...THEN you might be depressed.
Yeah, that's fucking science for you.
If you have never experienced mental illness or had to care for someone who looked perfectly normal on the outside but literally could not get out of bed for days on end because of depression..then shut the fuck up. Yes, you heard me. Because I'm pissed. Not only did you devalue me, if anyone in the conversation thought, um, hey, maybe I do have something I should look in to..then you just shut them down.
No one knows the deep dark thoughts that happen at 2 am. Those thoughts. The ones no one wants to hear about. The thoughts of, if I can just stop breathing I'll be okay. And even though this is my blog, my space, I won't go on. Because someone will feel uncomfortable with my thoughts.
So I'll hide them. Again.
As someone who has those 2:00 a.m. thoughts, I understand your anger. I, too, felt that depression was belittled in that conversation. And your advice was excellent.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct. If they don't know depression, theyshould not devalue your knowledge.
ReplyDeleteA counseling supervisor once told me, "Opinions are like belly buttons; everyone has one." The problem is people go around exposing their midriff when they shouldn't. Those are self-focused comments; showing no concern for another's care.
ReplyDelete~Grace
Oh, and I whinced at your last three sentences but I cannot find words right now. This is your space. Yours.
ReplyDelete~Grace