Even tho He slay me yet I will praise Him

Today is a day of thanksgiving. But I'm choking on the memories of last year.

Richard had been gone two-ish months and things were unclear as to whether or not this was a phase...or what was it? Steve and his beloved were coming into to town, Meredith and Arielus were expecting us for the festivities but I felt compelled to have a "family" dinner.

Me, Richard, Brooke, Steve and his beloved.

Richard arrived with an air about him that said "hey, sorry I went out for milk and was gone so long, but here I am." Turkey was carved, Richard said grace...praying and thanking God for each one of us (yes, even me), hugs were given and food was enjoyed. He stayed around for a few hours and played cards with us but declined our invitation to the movies. I walked him to his car and hugged him goodbye. And that was the end of who I had known for 24 years and Richard appeared.

Since then he has not spoken to Steve and has only begun to speak to Brooke. And the divorce that has been oh so not amicable and continues to legally haunt me even this holiday week. My counselor says I may never understand and that it may never make sense.

But it was this day a year ago when the end of what I thought and believed in started to unravel.

My grief is deep and painful.

dance on people