What do we do when we come to the end? The end of hope. When we realize that free will has gotten in the way of our dreams. When there's no medical answer, our bodies won't do what we want, there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. When you're single and you want to be married, when your child has decided to worship another god, when you want a child and your womb is empty. When you're married but don't know how to live with the person next to you.
I know what I've done. Looked for promises that I thought were contracts. Taken ice cream when all I really wanted was cake. Numbed, stuffed, ignored, cried, begged, pleaded, held my breath. Sometimes those things work. Or they just work for a time. So I can take another breath and take another step and face the next day. I tried to settle and be happy with what I have and where I am. There's a place for thankfulness, but that message is for another day.
I've been here a year now and I can tell you that it hasn't been all that I thought it would be. I still know it was the right thing to do and there are many things that have happened to me here that I've been for my health and my growth. I can look back now and see that I had unrealistic expectations. Not that I knew they were unrealistic at the time which possibly means it hurts a little bit more.
So I come face-to-face. With God.
How many times I've read the Bible and not taken the words seriously. That somehow they didn't apply to me or that was just for that person or apostle. And then it's kind of like hitting your shin on the table. Those words are real.
Jesus said, what is it to you what I do with him?
Our God is a jealous God.
For in this world you will have troubles.
When you walk thru the shadow of the valley of death.
And all of those who died not seen the fulfillment of the promise.
Christianity, the faith I basically believe in, many times tries to fill these places with things to do, sometimes known as the three-step process, or sometimes as a formula. Find out what is missing in the formula and fill it in and it will work. I believe that sometimes these methods or teachings or sermons come from the heart that wants to help. That's not a malicious intent.
A wise woman said to me, we don't hope because of Christ, Christ is our hope. Grammatically the difference looks so slight but in reality it is probably the biggest shift of our spiritual life that we face. As much as my emotions rail against such there is something deep in my spirit that witnesses that this is the way, the life, and the truth.
This is not the end of my story and I know there will be more to come. And it doesn't get easier with time. The choices get harder, the depths gets deeper but from experience I can say the rewards are greater.
So I don't have any more grandiose answers to soothe the aches and pains of life. Things that are not changing, things that are not turning out right, and the dreams don't come true. But here are some words that I believe God means :
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
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