Anyone who knew me when, will happily agree that my philosophy on everything was very black and white.
Yesterday (the 4th...this post sat a few days) I was melancholy. Part of that sensitive soul stuff. My day consisted of watching movies, particularly a documentary, going to the local baseball game where my hometown Dodgers beat my new hometown Rockies. Of course, their lovely fireworks. They always outdo themselves on the fireworks. This year was no different. Spectacular, feel it in your chest, patriotic fireworks.
Which none of that really explains why I was melancholy. Unless you live in my brain. And then it all makes perfect sense.
The documentary I watched was named 112 weddings. As a side job this gentleman had videoed 112 weddings over 20 years. He decided he wanted to go back and see what it happened to the people he had witnessed on that magical day.
Less than a dozen agreed to be videotaped all these years later. I will tell you that after watching this documentary it made me feel normal. It actually even made me feel a bit happy. Because, the majority of the marriages have not made it. The ones that were still married, we're not actually happily married. Some where in different stages of taking care of children, or taking care of the critically ill family member, but none really were as blissful and as hopeful as the day they got married.
Those who were still married, and those who were no longer married, all agreed that they did not know what they were saying on that day. They did not know what any sickness or health, richer or poorer, good or bad, what it all meant.
One particular couple's marriage was almost identical to mine. Nearing the 20 year mark, he finally said he been unhappy for several years. She was shocked. She been raising a family building a home make a place of comfort for everyone. And of course come to find out he had been having an affair for at least a year. I recognize the shock and dismay in her words and her face I also recognized the casualness in the way that he said his words. It was all good, was all done and can't we just move on?
Sitting in the ballpark watching the beautiful fireworks several songs automatically our played. God bless America, born in USA, and even Neil diamond's coming to America. Great songs all of them in their own right.
And here's where it goes melancholy.
As I sat listening to those songs about America how great she is and all that wonderful thing she has to offer and all the military who support us and protect us it saddens my heart. We are no longer the country that welcomes the immigrants with open arms. Our wars are sometimes almost senseless. The aftermath, the tragic loss on all left behind. I seen the wars and heard people argue over our borders. You can come to America but not illegally. And although I don't disagree I also feel we no longer open our arms wide with those who would choose to come here legally. The military, I've seen what it's done to people. How it uses families and people to further the good of the country.
Jesus said there is no greater love the man lays down his life for another. And yet I wonder if this falls into the category of which he spoke? And marriage. My oldest child is soon coming to the day when he will marry a great girl. And they have a lot of things going for them. What they don't have going for them are statistics. They have less than 40% chance of making this work. And I don't have any models around them to show them how it was done or how could be done.
Two final thoughts. This earth is not my home. I will only see glances of what life was suppose to be in the garden. And, when those small moments come I need to remember to drink deeply and hold lightly.
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