next piece of information i gained was from my double major, chemistry and biology, son. he introduced me to the science of sex chromosome abnormalities. you can google it but the basics are that you can have xy for boy or xx for girl. but some babies get an extra sexual chromosome. an xy can get an extra y (klienfelter syndrome). or an xx can get an extra x (xxy syndrome). there hasn't been enough studies to know what that all means. science doesn't know definitively yet if this has some, small or any difference in behavior.
when i was left and divorced i was suddenly excluded in certain circles. i lost friends, church associates...because divorce is a sin. and might be contagious.
still today divorced individuals are deemed unworthy, or second class citizens in churches. it's startling to find yourself excluded. you hear of it in other situations but it becomes real when it's you. (you would think that would be obvious).
it's made me sensitive. more aware. shouldn't the church be where i'm welcomed? open arms? helping me in my pain?
after spending over three years away from the church i started looking around. where do i want to be? what do i think about organized religion now? and, the majority of the places i see are exclusive. in some way. some small, some big. some don't let women in ministry. some don't let divorcees in ministry. and, although maybe not blatantly, a majority make certain sinners very unwelcome.
i have fallen mightily from grace a few times. that's even if you can. maybe you can't fall from God's grace. but i've felt like i've fallen from grace. or told that i fell from grace. i need to hear God's word spoken. i need to eat at the table. i'm built to need these in relationship. where can i go to fill the emptiness? i know where i should be able to go.
let me try and explain how these two things tie together.
we live in a fallen world. where things and people are not what God intended. cancer wasn't intended in the garden. but we have it. we can be predisposed to cancer. our food is far from creation's design. our water, air, everything our body is in and around. and yes. some churches still want to know what sin you committed to have cancer in your life.
1As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.2And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" 3Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.…John 9:2
i don't fully understand this passage but one thing i think is stated clearly - this man did not sin, nor did his parents but he is blind. he's not perfect. he's not what God intended the human body to be in the garden.
i can't explain babies being born with extra sexual chromosomes or both sexual parts. but it happens. and i don't know what that means except all of us are born not perfect from the garden's mold. and the verdict of humanity and science is still not settled. are we a product of our environment or our genetics? or both? questions still not answered.
where does that leave me? a partaker of the light. a bearer of eternal grace.
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matt 22:36-40
that's it. love God. love my neighbor. and my neighbor happens to be gay. i will do what i need to do that my neighbor knows God loves them. i will not deny them the word or the table. i desire to include. not exclude.
whatever will be in the end will be. i just have two things to do. and judging who is right and who is wrong in God's eyes is not one of those things.
peace out people.
thank you to the light bearers that stood with me in the aloneness. you know who you are and by far you are my church. my people. where the fire is warm, the word is gentle and the bread aplenty).
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