yes, it's really that huge

did i tell you that my hours have been cut back? well, they still are.

here's the deal, tho. i'm starting to appreciate it. it's giving me extra time in the morning. (and as you well know just when i get used to the extra hours i'll be going back to work full time). i'm able to do stuff. or not do stuff. like, when my insomnia rocks my night i can curl up for awhile longer under the duvet and get some sleep.

having this extra time i've been able to do more journaling, sorting, listening, reading, being still. because night time is def not a time for me to be still. after work i'm trying to figure out how to peal myself off of the ceiling.

i've told you about the harsh voice that i have to deal with. sneaky bastard. caught it being all sly on the down low. (my mom and dad will not know what the d/l means. *giggle*)

anyway, the voice was wrapped in a cloak. --side bar-- i'm a recovering perfectionist. stir that into my drama queen i need a tiara and you can have these violent swings from everything being perfect to chaos. therefore, as always, learning balance.

here's how it's been going on.

hey.
hey.
see me? pile of dishes?
what the hell?howmanytimesareyougoingtowalkbymeandnotcleanme...


hey
hey
did you really just walk by the dirty dishes? again?

notice how the mean voice is always referring to the past, accusing me of failure and making me feel guilty (among other things).

here's another little gift-y that depression gives me. because i'm all drama give me a tiara queen all the sudden EVERYTHING seems GARGANTUAN.

GARGANTUAN

so, with this extra time to journal, listen, read...ha! i caught you, you...sneaky bastard.

now i'm practicing two new habits.

one, i'm just doing one thing. that's all i'm committing to. one. sometimes one thing becomes a lot of little one things strung together and sometimes not so much. but, committing to one thing gives me more success stories.

two, i'm starting to talk back.

hey. look at those dishes.
they could be my one thing.

twenty minutes later.

hey. look at those dishes.
they could be my one thing.

a day later.

hey. dishes. you're my one thing.

dance on people