still looking for the magic pill

you know most days i don't have much to say. and then i wake up and have many things to tell you.

but the most important thing i must tell you today is that...ugh...my clothes don't fit!

when richard first left all the books i read about the divorce process said "hey! take advantage of that not eating phase and get fit, lose weight!"  well, honey. when richard left i was working myself into a size 6. I KNOW!!!

i was training for the idea of a 5k turkey trot and loving that i could walk into a clothing store and clothes fit. for the first time in my life i didn't hate myself while trying on clothes. on cloud nine i was. then the doink left and...well...two plus years later...

and y'all know i'm so ecstatic at my mature age which is always helpful because this is the age where stuff just melts off your body when you look at it... right.

so. i've learned to live on my own. how to go out into public by myself. take responsibilities on. to choose life. be a committed employee and advance in my career, manage my money, get my nose out of my offsprings business, learn and keep boundaries, be my own cheerleader, not see everything in black and white....

and my clothes don't fit. yes, i'm back to the gym. yes, i'm making changes in my eating habits. now i need to tell the evil voice in my head to STFU and know that i won't work myself back into my clothes tomorrow.

gah.

dance on people